You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
bring money and cleavage
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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