Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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