sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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