Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
