Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
