this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
