Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
