That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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