Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
