I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
