i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize