It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
