I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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