mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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