Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
