so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
