She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
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