Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
