Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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