I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
