The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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