Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
