our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
