I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
