Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
