my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
