Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
