I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize