I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
