But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize