we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
