she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
