Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
