can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Shame - the story of my life.
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