Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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