He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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