it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
