I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Did I show you my penis last night?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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