We're like a lot better than the average bears
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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