if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
