I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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