dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize