Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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