Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
