remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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