Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize