I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
