the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
