You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
