I wish my penis had an off switch
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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