So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
