Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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