I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
