Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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