the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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