I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
