I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
