Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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