sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
