God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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