I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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