Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
