cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We are two peas in an std pod
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
