I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
