Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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