Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
did i just pee glitter
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
