u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize