I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
