Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
