my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Come see our sink grown plant.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
