I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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