all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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