i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
