I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
