I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
