For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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