My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize