My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
