I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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